Soooooo since the inmates are running the prison here and there is no chance of getting anything on the cover .. let's just take the gloves off, remove the filters and let it fly!!!!
Last night when I was going to dinner with my daughter, I got a text from a guy who we will call "Jimmi" that said "enjoy" I wondered for a second what I was supposed to enjoy.. well I didnt have to wait long.. because what followed was a video of him in the throws of masturbatory self love..
I had to give him credit for cinematography, as he had the perfect POV angle that made me feel I was there staring down the barrel, so to speak.. and on ambiance, as he had not so harsh lighting and a porno playing on the TV that was visible in the shot ..(presumably for inspiration).. and lastly for shooting distance when it came time for the happy part of this self inflicted happy ending. It brought to mind the iconic line from the movie "a Christmas Story" where everyone keeps telling young Ralphie when he asks for the red rider BB gun, "You'll put your eye out kid."
Now im not against porn..in fact I happen to enjoy porn except for the fact that it tends to mislead a gal on the notion of how soon she can expect a plumber to show up to her house saying "I'm here to clean your pipes ma'am" and exactly how much plumber's crack she can expect to endure during said visit. In fact im not even sure that plumber porn isnt some ploy to drive business sponsered by the plumbers union..but I digress...
It's easy to see why a guy might think it's acceptable to drive by dick pic a girl or that it's even wanted.. there are so many websites that give the ins and outs on how to take an attractive dick pick (is there such a thang?) the angles, the lighting, when to send... it's only natural that he might think that sending a mug shot of his junk is the right thing to do to lure you to his lair...
I googled this shit and at least 100 instructional sites popped up on the correct way to drive by dick pic a girl.. Reallly google???? Seriously..
I mean didn't we all collectively threw up in our mouths when 70 year old Heraldo Rivera shared a mug shot of his junk.. and when Anthony Wiener flashed his penis to his paramour..lest us not discount Andrew Zollner: A pole vaulter at the University of Illinois who's represented the US in the Olympics, who upon sharing his impressive pole proved he didnt need one to vault!! but again I digress..
What guy doesn't want to trade a dick pic for a twat shot?? Tit for tat!! Bootie barter..Now a days, sexting is the new flirting.. Technology has made the whole concept of "sharing is caring" way more accessible to us regular folks.. but here is the deal guys.. when you snap chat your junk to me it comes with a 8 second time limit and that is hardly enough time to fairly evaluate the impressiveness of your presence..
And while we are talking about evaluating here.. give me something to use as a reference!!! Kudos to the guy who sent me a dick pic with his junk next to a soda can so that I could have a sense of reference of size.. because let's face it .. sometimes objects are smaller than they appear.. and the whole reason you are sending me said dick pic is to impress me right? Right???
I guess what it all boils down to is all is fair in love and war but not cock shots... in cock shots it's every man for himself..
And remember ladies.. you can't say happiness without saying penis!!
